porn always ends up on your dash
it doesn’t matter if you only follow disney blogs
you will get porn on your dash
Do DCBB next year!!! We can write and complain and procrastinate together!!!I almost did this year, but at the time I was in the middle of “Crimes and Misdemeanors” and had never written anything above 6,000 words. I didn’t think I could do a long fic.
Now in PHOTOSET!
Ham and Bean Winchester in SUPERNATURAL
This is FUCKING PERFECTION!
I feel guilty for laughing as hard as I did
What is happening to this fandom?
Signed up for Reverse Bang. Maybe it’ll help me get my confidence up to sign up for next year DCBB.
This is definitely in my Top 5 favorite reader comments I have ever received.
45. “Pretending to hate each other” AU
Dean grips the lectern and grinds his teeth as Senator Novak prattles on.
“My opponent’s viewpoint on gun control is complete ludicrous,” he says flippantly, “We all know that this stance of his is just his way of pandering to the lobbyists he has living in his back pocket,” There is a collective hum from the audience and hundreds of flash bulbs explode around them at the accusation. Dean shakes his head, smirking humorlessly at the Senator. The moderator makes an attempt to quiet the crowd.
“Governor Winchester, how do you respond to this accusation?” The moderator calmly says into the microphone. Dean looks up and beams at the cameras, trying to appear as down-homey and blue-collar as his PR team portrays him.
“Where I come from, we have a saying,” he takes a sip of water and pauses for effect, just like his advisor showed him, “Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon: no matter how good you are, he’s just going to crap all over the board and then strut around like he won.” There is a titter of laughter from the audience.
“And what I have here,” Dean continues, indicating Senator Novak, “Is a grade-A pigeon.” The Senator’s eyes go wide and his mouth drops open. The room erupts in laughter and even the moderator had to cover his mouth to hide a grin. It was a low blow, Dean knew that, but it was the kind of quotable quip that the papers would love the next day. His campaign manager Charlie insisted it would boost his numbers.
“The point I’m trying to make is that Senator Novak may think he knows about my campaign funding, but clearly his research is faulty.” The moderator nods and Dean knows he can mark down one for his campaign.
The rest of the debate goes well. The Senator makes a vague attempt to recover, but Dean knows that the press will call this a win for him in the morning.
As the moderator closes the debate, Dean and Senator Novak are herded out of the theater. Dean manages to finagle a cigarette out of one of the interns and sneaks out a backdoor before Charlie can grab him.
He’s about to light up when strong hands grip him by the lapels and throw him against the wall. Fierce blue eyes stare back at him and before he can say a word, plump, chapped lips are on his. Dean melts into the kiss, his hands flying into Senator Nov… no, Castiel’s hair.
“That was low, Dean,” Cas gasps, parting from the kiss, “real low.”
“Shouldn’t have brought up the gun lobby, Cas,” Dean mumbles as he mouths along the soft skin of Cas’ neck. He sighs and lets Dean take control, switching their positions and pressing him against the wall of the building.
“I had to,” Cas whines, “I’m 8 points behind. Michael keeps saying we have to go negative.” Dean hums and kisses him sweetly.
“Charlie and Victor are saying the same thing,” Dean murmurs against Cas’ lips. He slips his tongue over Cas’ and lets himself be absorbed into the feeling of his embrace. Moments like these are few and far between, but Dean will take what he can get.
“Just stay away from the down-homey stuff,” Cas pleads quietly, “You know I can’t compete.” Dean snorts and wraps his arms around Cas’ neck.
“As long as you quit implying that I’m a gun nut,” Dean says, earning a doubtful look from Cas, “But whatever, All’s fair in love and war, right Cas?” He lifts his eyes and looks at Dean solemnly.
“Is that what this is, Dean?” he asks.
- soulmates au
- childhood best friends au
- teacher/student au
- teacher/single parent au
- one night stand and falling pregnant au
- meeting at a coffee shop au
- fake relationship au
- roommates au
- meeting online au
- high school popular kid/nerd au
- partners in crime au
- writer and editor au
- co-stars au
- lab partners au
- meeting in the E.R/A&E au
- brand new neighbours au
- meeting at a party whilst drunk au
- waking up with amnesia au
- parents meeting when they take their kids to class au
- dysfunctional relationship au
- best friends sibling au
- two miserable people meeting at a wedding au
- meeting on a train ride au
- literally bumping into each other au
- librarian/avid reader au
- sitting on the same park bench au
- meeting at a support group au
- knocking on the wrong door au
- going away to war au
- tourist/knowledgeable local au
- prostitute/client au
- doctor/companion au
- celebrity/fan au
- meeting at a masquerade ball au
- one of them trying to get the other one off of drugs au
- living in a society where their love is taboo au
- meeting in prison au
- cop/person getting a speeding ticket au
- long distance relationship au
- exes meeting again after not speaking for years au
- ghost/living person au
- star-crossed lovers au
- falling in love with their best friend’s partner au
- one of them being diagnosed with a terminal illness au
- pretending to hate each other au
- nanny/single parent au
- meeting at a festival au
- meeting again at a high school reunion au
- boss/intern au
- going through a divorce au
"can you imagine the faces their children could make" (X)
In my headcanon the sheriff would love whatever Stiles would present him as a grandchild.
(original grandthing made by spaggel I just borrowed it)
GRANPA STILINSKI’S PRECIOUS ANGEL.
I was crying about this at work today and Spag had to send me fucking this:
"yeah, can you imagine first seeing him?"
And so, Stiles and Derek are not ready for parenthood and are totally freaked out by their weird son:
Derek’s quiet for a long time, staring blankly, before he eventually offers, “This isn’t what I expected.”
Stiles frowns down at the baby in his arms. “I know, right? They won’t take it back; I already asked.”
Derek leans over him, peering down at the weird little face. It’s unsettling how thick the baby’s eyebrows are. “Are babies born with teeth?”
"Not usually," Stiles replies. “His grody little snaggletooth is creeping me out."
"His everything is creeping me out,” Derek retorts, dropping into the chair at the side of the bed. “I’m pretty sure this is because you got possessed by that demon.”
"Aw, hell no," Stiles argues. “That thing was in me for like five minutes, tops. This thing - ” he nods toward the baby in his arms ” - you don’t absorb this kind of evil in five minutes. This is like ten years possession minimum.”
"What are we going to name him?"
"Beats me. Calling him after your dad seems kind of disrespectful to your dad, doesn’t it?"
Derek sighed heavily. “He probably would have found this hilarious. I told you my family’s cursed.” He squinted over at Stiles. “You sure it’s even a boy?”
"Dude, I’m not sure it’s even human,” Stiles replies. “Seriously, how come shit like this always happens to us?”
"Because the universe knows we’ll grin and bear it," Derek sighs again. “You sure we can’t send it back?"
"No," Stiles grumbles discontentedly, and straightens as his father steps into the room. He cradles the baby protectively to his chest; even if the thing’s weird as hell, it’s still his. “Whoa, Dad, before you pull out your gun and shoot the baby, I can promise you, with about ninety-percent certainty, that I did not give birth to a cave beast, even though it may look that way. And maybe this is our fault because Derek’s so fricken possessive of his jizz and refused to use a surrogate so we had to resort to black magic and give me a magical womb - so actually this is Derek’s fault, really - this is your grandson. Probably. We’re not too clear on the gender right now.”
The sheriff sighs, as he so often does when confronted with his son’s verbal onslaught, and holds out his hands, a silent give me the child. Stiles puckers his mouth and hands over his son and watches the sheriff’s face cycle through several emotions, ending, bewilderingly, on happiness.
"He’s beautiful,” his father croons, and Stiles looks over, bewildered, at Derek, who mouths He’s not lying. He looks just as perplexed as Stiles.
"Just wait until Melissa sees him," the sheriff says cheerfully, pulling his phone out of his pocket and snapping a picture.
"Yeah," Stiles agrees slowly. He’s already regretting having shown his father how to use the camera on his phone. “Just wait."
Newly Grandpa’d Stilinski show’s pictures of his most PRECIOUS OF ALL GRANDCHILDREN to who he’s interrogating so that if they look at the face of SUCH AN ANGEL they’ll confess and lead a good life.
THIS IS THEIR COME TO JESUS MOMENT.
Sorry, Spag, if the first one was stupid, then this one’s just idiotic. I’m going to bed. This is your fault.
They name it Herald. It was supposed to be Harold, after Derek’s grandfather, who Derek says was a weird old man and Stiles says that’s fitting, then, but Stiles was asleep when it came time to fill out the birth certificate and Derek couldn’t remember how to spell Harold, so he sounded it out.
So their kid’s name is Herald, but mostly they call him It. They don’t tell him it’s because they didn’t even know if he was human when he was born because he may be a little weirdo, but he’s their little weirdo, and they don’t want to stunt his mental health. Stiles almost tells him it’s because they loved The Addams Family, but then he thinks about how Cousin It was a weird thing covered in hair and maybe that’s not a great comparison.
It creeps them out. He is unnaturally silent, always with this bucktoothed little smile on his face that makes Stiles sure that he and Derek are going to be killed in their sleep. Stiles distinctly remembers playing hide and seek with him when he was young, Stiles and Derek crammed together in a cupboard and Derek mumbled, “I can’t hear his fucking heart,” and then It’s creepy little eye was pressed up to the crack in the door like the killer in a slasher fic and Stiles screamed like a little girl.
Still, they’re sad when he grows up and heads off to college. He’s still creepy; he’s got bad skin and his heavy eyebrows almost touch in the middle, but they kiss him on the forehead and say “We’ll miss you!” which is probably true. And when he drives off into the battered Jeep, Stiles says to Derek, “I think we just unleashed a hellion unto the world,” and Derek says, “Too late now.” And Stiles does miss him, up until a few days later when he goes to clean It’s room and finds a box of desiccated frog corpses under his bed.
They don’t hear from It that often, which isn’t unusual, nor unexpected. One time they lost him for a few days and Stiles found him sitting in the attic, perfectly still. He said he’d been counting heartbeats and neither of them really wanted to ask whose. Still, they miss him. Probably.
One morning Stiles goes downstairs and there’s a stranger standing in the living room. It’s near Christmas and he has a vague idea that It should be coming home soon, but he is not prepared for the sight of a handsome young man standing next to the Christmas tree. Stiles screams.
"That’s It," Derek says from behind him.
"Oh my god," Stiles says. “Where’d our ugly little boy go?" He’d told It once not to worry about his looks, that everyone starts out awkward. Look at your dad, Stiles said, pointing Derek. He had to grow into those stupid buck teeth and big ears, and It had turned his eyes on Derek and didn’t blink for five minutes. Stiles hadn’t really believed that It would ever, uh, grow into himself, but it appears he was wrong, because his weird kid has turned into a GQ model. “Just like his dad," Stiles says out loud, and Derek pushes him down the stairs.
BONUS PLOT TWIST: STILES WAS THE UGLIEST FUCKING BBY AROUND
THE UGLIEST BABY
COME TO THINK OF IT, NO ONE BUT STILES AND DEREK WERE SURPRISED ABOUT HOW UGLY THEIR KID CAME OUT